Woes of Sexuality - A Matter of Being Confounding and Confounded at the Same Time

I'll be honest. If I didn't discover the world of debates, or study in KL, I wouldn't be as open-minded as I am today. Somewhat. In some things, I remain as narrow-minded as I have always been, but personally, I think I'm really and honestly more open-minded than I was before.

This open-mindedness has allowed me to discover the wonderfully confusing world of gender identities and sexuality - and the more I delve into it, I'm still not sure whether I've become more enlightened, or still in the dark as I had always been. I still don't know whether homosexuality is natural or a choice. I still have to ask some friends if I should refer to them as 'he' or 'she'. I mean that was what happened when I first talked to my best friend (who shall henceforth be known as Lucky Stars, in order to protect his privacy - and in case he accidentally comes across this blog). This is more due to my upbringing as a Muslim, but there you go.

Recently I've identified myself as pansexual, after so many years of delusionally thinking that I'm the "awkwardly straight Muslim" among my peers from all walks of life - and all sorts of sexual identities. Pansexuality, what does it mean? At first I thought it was something to do with being "gender-blind", but as it stands, there's more to it than just not giving a damn whether or not your crush is a man, a woman, a transman or transwoman, asexual, gay, lesbian. etc. I'll be honest again: I like women just as much as I like men. Two women getting it on together is enough to raise my libido to the roof just as much as two men or a man and a woman having sex together. As for actually imagining myself in that situation, let's just say I almost never imagine myself in a sexual position. These things are still very awkward to think about for a Malay Muslim girl like me. except I'm not 100% Melayu Asli but eh

One of Dina Zaman's writing from her book "I Am Muslim" strikes a chord in me, though. An article about being Muslim AND gay at the same time. How can you live with such when they contradict each other? How can this man who has earned the title of 'haji' be very relaxed about his gender when the very religion he and I follow condemns the act of homosexuality? Or by what Allah SWT talks about the people of Sodom and Gomorrah, He was referring to the act of sodomy and not the people who identify themselves as such? There are men out there who have wives and are straight in every which way, yet they still can find time to fuck underage or preteen boys. This was something implied in Hosseini's "The Kite Runner", yo.

We need to think about these things, especially when too many so-called 'ulamas, ustazs and ustazahs' are laying claim to knowing everything and anything about this beloved religion. This is my 2 years of over-analyzing everything I read speaking. Goddamit, Literature class.

I still don't know where I stand now that I am fully aware that I'm pansexual. A Muslim pansexual could land herself in a lot of trouble. But for now, I'll ask my other friends who knows more than I do about this, and just be content with it.

Hey Guys, Let's Talk about Free Speech and Censorship! You guys like talking about that, right?

The US congress recently held a hearing on their latest bills, which is christened the Stop Online Piracy Act bill, or SOPA for short. If this bill passes, a lot of sites will be crippled - this includes Facebook, Tumblr, Youtube, Google and a myriad of third-party sites that serves to be useful to the community at large. It will limit creativity, cripple businesses that rely on online advertising on these sites (except for Tumblr. Tumblr doesn't really advertise unless the blogger installs ad apps), and all in all restrict freedom of speech. Which, as far as what little knowledge I have about US politics, clashes with its Amendments.

How will this cripple free speech? We all know that these sites aren't just there for you to post derpy things. People actually use them with a PURPOSE. Like reviewing products. Updating fans on the latest news on Supernatural. Or even talk about politics.

Even though it's unlikely that this bill will be supported, the thought scares you, doesn't it? Iran and China have already done it. Vietnam has already done it, according to one of my friends who live there. I hear Malaysia was about to do it (explains why I can't access the Pirate Bay with a Unifi connection, no doubt), so doesn't it frighten you that if heavy censorship is placed on the Internet, that means you can't talk about anything at all?

Here's a protip: if you don't want others to censor you, practice self-censorship. Know what you can write about and what you feel you'd be frowned upon if you write it. Although, admittedly I broke this rule countless times. It's not just merely vulgar words and such - sometimes you could be prosecuted for incitement, harassment or even libel. Which leads to my second protip: check your resources every time. It doesn't hurt to do a little research.

I'm not sure what else to write about, so I leave you with this question:

• What do you personally feel about freedom of speech? Is it a leeway for you to say anything, or do you feel that you do need to limit yourself?
• Can this be abused in any way possible?
• What are your views on censorship?

I haven't updated this blog for a long time - bear with me on this one! I'm going to have to have to give this blog a much-needed revamp.

Gasp, Whoops, Gee Whiz

Last post on April 25, 2011.

Blogging: You're doing it wrong.

So what's happening? It's now my third term studying A-Levels. Took me about 3 terms to finally realize I'm doing it wrong.

WHOOPS.

I really don't have much to say, other than "Hi guys. Sup. Expect more interesting posts soon. Bye."

Because I Need an Update.

Starting time: 12.30 PM


Name: Redha Attiya binti Abdullah Saidi

Sisters: Syaza Iwani

Brothers: Abdullah Ghazi, Abdullah Hadhri, Abdullah Wafi

Eye Color: Brown.

Shoe size: 10. *flails*

Hair: Shoulder-length and quite wavy due to being in a bun frequently

Piercings: None, I don't do piercing. o_o

Height: 160 cm. YEAH BBY YEAH

What are you wearing right now?: A T-shirt that presumably came from Sabah (it had a picture of an orang utan and the words 'Sepilok, Sabah' on it) and a 'kain batik'.

Where do you live?: Miri.

Favorite number: 9

Favorite drink: Tea.

Favorite month: January - because it's BIRTHDAY MONTH 8D.

Favorite breakfast: Something nice and piping hot, however simple. Sometimes curry puffs will do! <3


***********Have You Ever***********


broken a bone: Uh...

been in a police car: Nah. I wish I did, but preferably not because I committed a crime. HAHA.

been on a plane: Yes, loads of times.

been in a hot tub: I'd be in a hot  tub every time I have a chance!

swam in the ocean: Yeap.

fallen asleep in school: Yes.

broken someone’s heart: Um. Loads of times, I guess...

cried when someone died?: Yeah. But it was three hours before I realized what happened and start crying my eyes out. My first death.

fell off your chair: Yeah. XD

sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: No. Don't have anyone to call.

saved e-mails: I have loads of e-mails in my Outlook. :)

been cheated on: No.


***********What is************


your room like?: Messy?

what is right beside you?: A book and my phone.

what is the last thing you ate?: Bits of chicken.



———————-Ever Had- ————————-


chicken pox: Yes.

sore throat: Yeap.

stitches: Nah.

broken nose: No.


————————-Do You————————–


believe in love at first sight?: Yes. See, I'm a hopeless romantic.

like picnics: Yes!


———————————————————


who was the last person you danced with?: My niece.

who last made you smile?: My aunt's family and my sister.


————————–Who—————————


did you last yell at?: My niece, because she was being so naughty.

do you wear contact lenses or glasses?: Glasses.


———-Final Questions————-


what are you listening to right now?: Blackstreet ft. Dr Dre: No Diggity.

what did you do today?: Sleep, because I have a bad stomachache.

diamond or pearl?: Pearls FTW.

are you the oldest?: No. I'm right SMACK in the middle. What a bummer. >__>

indoors or out doors?: Depends.


——————Today did you———————-
(I thought you said that was the last set of questions! Dirty little piece of... >8U)

1. talk to someone you care for?: Yeah.

2. kiss anyone?: No.

3. get sick?: Yeah. :(

4. sing?: No.

5. talk to an ex?: Nope.

6. miss someone: Yeah.

7. eat: Not yet.


—————-Last person who——————


8. you talked to on the phone?: My roommate.

9. made you cry?: Nobody

10. went to the movies with?: Nobody.

11. you went to the mall with?: My friends.


——————Have you——————-


19. been to Mexico?: Why would I want to go to Mexico for?

20. been to USA?: Planning to.


——————-Random——————–


21. have a crush on someone?: Yeah XP.

22. what books are you reading right now?: World's Best Trivia.

24. future kids names?: Haven't really given it a thought.

25. do you sleep with a stuffed animal: No. Give me a plush Vegeta and I'll get back to you on that.

26. what’s under your bed: Bags.

27. favorite sport(s) to watch: Not interested in sports.

28. favorite place: Home.

32. who do you really hate?: Not pointing fingers at anyone.

33. do you have a job?: No.

37. What time is it now?: 12.47 PM

38. Done?: last questions? : NO MORE QUESTIONS BITCHES.

Gleaned from Adi - Wandering Souls

Update Is Needed. LAZINESS, GTFO!

Hi! I see I now have 415 Americans visiting my blog. Howdy y'all, how goes life in the U.S? And we have an astounding number of Germans too! Guten tag, Wie geht es Ihnen? :D

Ah, ahem,  I'm sorry, I've strayed a little too far off. ^^;

Well, life has been hectic. A little too hectic for my taste, actually. Catching up on studies, helping to manage my college's anime cons,  having my wireless fried. Yeah, life is totally hectic, it feels like my brains have been wonderfully fried to perfection.

In any case, I found that I haven't updated this blog in almost a month; why this is happening, I do not know nor do I really want to know. It's just there.

I need a break, but these days it seems impossible to get a break without forcing oneself to believe one is ill, with massive headaches and nausea occurring every morning and moaning to people that "Oh, unhappy illness! I am sick!" in a very Shakespearean tone. And the bigger problem is it stays there until you actually deal with it.

So I think I'll do something about it. Yes, that's it.

Every Day is Maulidur Rasul Day.

My country bans Muslim people from celebrating Valentine's Day. True stuff. But of course, this doesn't EXTEND all the way to Non-muslims - non-Muslims still have the free choice of celebrating Valentines'.

Now, the day after that, 15th February 2011, is Maulidur Rasul Day, or the day the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W was born. A question for you now is - why are so many Muslims making a hissy fit on Valentines' Day when Maulidur Rasul is made a grand day - when by right IT SHOULD BE CELEBRATED AND REMEMBERED EVERY DAY?

Personally, I don't agree with Valentines' Day. Valentines' is just an excuse to either waste your money on trivial stuff or get laid. It's simply lame. You can still spoil your loved one silly any other day. You could still get laid any other day (just so you know, I don't encourage you to go round getting laid either, okay?). So why do people have to create a specific day to show love when it's something you can - no, you're SUPPOSED to show every single day without fail?

Same thing goes for Maulidur Rasul. The Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. is a great man. He's a legend. He's everything a Muslim wanted to be, his beliefs and morals something we all want to adapt and apply in our daily lives. He is someone we should be remembering every day. Therefore, what is the significance of Maulidur Rasul when, by right, we should be remembering and showing our love to him every single day: in our prayers, in our doa, in our selawat, in everything we do?

Yes, I do know that it's to commemorate his birth. In the words of a friend, it's like celebrating your birthday. But Prophet Muhammad is more awesome than any of you, because billions of people will be there to celebrate it even after his death thousands of years ago. I'm not saying we shouldn't celebrate Maulidur Rasul, but at the very least, I hope you don't just celebrate it one day and then suddenly forget about him the very next day - or worse, just a few minutes after following the Maulidur Rasul parade in your area. "Buang karan aje kalau macam tu".

Le Crappy Review - Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King

Sexy monster ladies, a DBZ-esque tension system that increases your attack and defense power like heck, hard-to-level-up environment that makes you want to pull your hair out - admit it, you PS2 gamers do love Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King.

It's got a playable demo of FFXII? Hey, why wasn't I made known of this?

I'll admit though, I'm only a quarter into the game (got to find the Venus' Tear and be done with it) and even at level 16, it's a lot more challenging compared to other turn-based RPGs I've played to date (which, unfortunately, is severely limited to Final Fantasy), together with Chrono Trigger. I dunno about you, but I think I see a pattern of some sort - any Square Enix RPG game that has Toriyama's character design will leave you with a hellishly difficult level up process.

The merry team of DQVIII.

Nevertheless, the game itself is fun. The story begins with a curse: a king and his princess were cursed by a thieving jester who steals a scepter sealed within the king' castle - the king turns into a pathetic monster while his daughter turned into a horse. The course of the story is basically a quest to lift the curse off the king and the princess, and you play as the nameless hero (pictured with a red bandana and a yellow....cardigan?) who, mysteriously, is the only person in said castle unaffected by the curse. Add a bandit who turned over a new leaf, a sultry and rebellious heiress to a noble family, and a charming yet mildly lecherous young man of the church and you get an adventure like no other.

Welcome to the wide world. You're on your own now, soldier. 

The battle system operates the same way that has been the staple of many Square Enix games: turn-based. However, turns taken are determined randomly rather than having the main characters strike first before the enemy makes a move. The beauty - and frustration - of it is that you can never be sure who'll go first - you, or that Minidemon who's probably planning on launching a terrible Frizzle spell at you.

It's hero time! ....Wait a minute. That's a Ben 10 quote. o_o

One thing for sure though - definite DBZ-like references in battle. There's a 'psyche-up option that enables you to 'psyche up', which increases your tension. When your character's tension rises, their attack and defense power goes up a notch, and it always goes up in multiples of 5. When you reach 100, this is what happens:

A Super Saiyan? In MY Dragon Quest?! COOL BEANZ! 8D

Impressive, huh?

Of course, where will the battle be without cool techniques and spells to learn? Even though levelling up is hard like hell (My character, whom I've named Hiro [charming! A variation of 'Hero'!], needs 3000+ experience to reach level 17), coupled with hard-to-beat monsters (at least in my eyes), the benefits you reap from hearing the sound of invisible trumpets that indicates you've levelled up is well worth the trouble and the wasted medicinal herbs. Each character has a unique set of weapons they may master throughout the game (the only common thing being they can also fight bare-handed), and levelling up different weapons can gain you different abilities and spells with it. Uniquely, abilities are only learned with the weapon you currently use at hand, and cannot be used on a new weapon even when of the same type, so keeping old weapons is a good idea that will really come in handy.

I can't wait to get my hands on this ability.

The music itself is nice, classic and nostalgic. It provides a suitable atmosphere to the adventure, giving you the impression of a Middle-Age (if you can call it that) era full of might and magic, warriors and damsels in distress, ferocious dragons and powerful wizards, and - if slimes exist - lovable slimes. Frankly put, the music is what makes the game even more exciting.

I'll let you in on a secret: Before I picked up DQVIII, I had no idea Akira Toriyama did stuff other than Dragon Ball. So picking it up was a surprise; which is the other beauty of it, because Toriyama's style is so distinguishable from other mangaka. A little glimpse of odd-shaped eyes, and you just KNOW it's the handiwork of Toriyama himself.

Just so you know, I am a lady and I'm not a lesbian. I just find Jessica looks good like that. 

The only thing I'd be miffed about is the fact that levelling up is a great chore, but all that is nullified by the spectacular plot, charming music, and the insistently random turns you get in gameplay. Also, there are also a number of interesting sidequests you'll encounter along the way, and if you're a gambling fan....well, I've said too much already. Best find out for yourself.

What's that? You don't have a PS2? If I remember correctly, you're still able to play PS2 games on your PS3. What? No PS3? Then there's two choices: get yourself a PS2 (trust me, they're really cheap now) or a PS2 emulator (of which may require your system to be really top-notch in terms of graphics and RAM if you want to play PS2 games on your PC or laptop). Either way, I'll safely say that Dragon Quest VIII is definitely a game worth your investment.

Epic Keywords that Direct to my Blog. LMFAO

 

This is a little funny.

Almost none of these key words have anything to do with my blog. 

Almost none of them.

And yet these are the top key words that show up in my Blogger stats.

LMFAO. 

Note to self:  The "goku vegeta love" bit. Don't ask. XD